Started working out again this past week when I got back in Virginia it’s been a wake up call. Since being away and out of the gym I’ve lost a lot of what I had worked up to before I left town but slowly and surely I plan to regain and surpass what I had accomplished before.
I’ve been doing a lot of cardio this past week…for some reasons the weights intimidate me again…I need to get over that asap!
I downloaded the app workout trainer so i’ll probably be using that for free weight ideas, I just need to get the confidence to strut my stuff like I used to…
thinking about getting a personal trainer, figured that’d be extra motivation. for what i understood at the gym i could pay $45 a month and get a script written out for me for what to do and a monthly meeting with a trainer to discuss my improvements. First I’m working to get a job, then money for school, THEN personal trainer can come but not before school.
I feel a little behind and I realize I’m being hard on myself and over critical but it’s hard when you know you let yourself slip back into old habits…I gained 15 lbs in 10 months…it’s disgusting to me. But don’t worry I’m back with vengeance.
tomorrow i plan to hit the gym early, today was my rest day, then probably spend the day out on the town with my mom or something…
i wish i had more friends here. it’s a little depressing that everyone said they missed me so much but once i get back nobody really even makes an effort to see me. ohwell such is life. i’m focusing more on me anyways.
My wisedom of the day :)
Deer’s medicine includes gentleness in word, thought and touch. The ability to listen, grace and appreciation for the beauty of balance. Understanding of what’s necessary for survival, power of gratitude and giving, ability to sacrifice for the higher good, connection to the woodland goddess, alternative paths to a goal…
…tempting us to release the material trappings of so-called ‘civilization’, to go deep into the forest of magic, to explore our own magical and spiritual nature. The topic gentleness is part of this tradition…
The lesson to be gleaned here is that when we explore magic and spirituality, it must be with good intention, to harm no living being, but to enter the realm of the wild things in the spirit of love and communion. The Stag, Damh in the Gaelic tongue, is also linked to the sacredness of the magical forest. The Damh represents independence, purification, and pride. It is known as the King of the Forest, the protector of its creatures.
If a deer crosses your path, this may show you that you are a very compassionate, gentle and loving person. If you don’t have these qualities, then consider if you have a problem that needs addressing. Are you facing a challenge in your life, whether with a fellow human being or a delicate situation? If you are feeling negative emotions such as anger, try letting go. Think about whether a gentler and more loving approach can sort the issue out. It may be necessary to speak the truth, this is best done with kindness and from the heart, this will generally give a better result.
Deer has entered your life to help you walk the path of love with full consciousness and awareness, to know that love sometimes requires caring and protection, not only in how we love others, but also in how we love ourselves.
A deer’s senses are very acute and they see extremely well in low light, giving them the ability to understand the deeper symbolic meanings of things. They can hear a twig snap a very long way off. People with this power animal are often described as being swift and alert. They are intuitive, often seeming to possess well developed, even extrasensory perceptions. Sometimes their thoughts seem to race ahead, and they appear not to be listening, to be somewhere else. Anyone with power animal has latent clairvoyant and clairaudient abilities. They can see between the shadows, detect subtle movements and hear that which is not being uttered.
I just read an article about the symbolism of deer, and this is insane to me. So accurate. I really hope that I can take the advice of this and slowly but surly love myself and also arrive at a solution for my challenges I’m currently having. “It may be necessary to speak the truth, this is best done with kindness and from the heart” This really speaks to me…I need to think on this some more. But just wow this whole topic means so much to me. I was talking with a friend of mine this morning about spiritually and maybe this is a sign…I just feel so euphoric right now.
I just had almost a life changing moment…or maybe just a day changing moment. I’ve been in a rut for the past couple of days, basically crumbling inside without being able to fully experience it. It’s not like I can just sit down and cry for a hour or so and just move on, I’m constantly surrounded by people…and if you know me at all you know I have a pride complex. I don’t show my weaknesses or not normally anyway…
Well long story short I’ve been moody, depressed, and just falling apart and lashing out at those that I love here. Today I decided to go for a run, probably the best idea I’ve had recently. It felt great, however, coming back here to no good food really bummed me out. There’s no healthy option even if I wanted to…I don’t understand how a children’s camp doesn’t have healthy food..isn’t that one of the biggest deals now? Childhood obesity? Well after being at a camp for a while I can understand how it becomes a problem. I’m an adult who knows what’s right and wrong when it comes to eating and I CANNOT find healthy options here….so I can’t imagine how children feel..BUT I’m getting off topic.
Well after my run I still felt a little…lost and just apathetic so I went to the woods for answers. I’m not particularly religious or spiritual but I’ve always felt at home and at peace in the woods. I go there when I need an escape. Some people love to travel to cities, and explore cities and towns..not me…I like the woods. I like to explore old trails, trails that haven’t been walked in ages…I like to smell nature, to hear the sounds, to just take it all in. Well I found such a place today, I went down the path less traveled and sat by the river for a while. I was just staring down the river, thinking of everything…I was asking for answers. I just wanted some sort of a sign, anything, something to give me hope and to tell me to keep going. Well I got the urge to walk a little further, I thought it’d eventually come out somewhere. Well it was very obviously the path less traveled…downed trees…leaves covering the path…the path continued to get smaller and smaller…but I kept going. I was lost in thought, listening to sad songs…just walking with myself…then suddenly I saw something.
At first I thought it was bikes, but I knew I was no where near a road…I could sense it..if that makes sense..then I looked closer and it was deer. A whole herd. These beautiful creatures were just running in front of me, and when I say in front of me I mean VERY close..like if I ran I would have been where they were in less than a minute. It was shocking. Of course I just stood there for a minute…shocked…mystified…
It was beautiful. It was magical, I’ve never experienced real wild life that close before. I was alone and just there with nature. It was a true Pocahontas moment. But after they passed I just stood there for a minute, lost in the moment…
I had been asking for a sign, right? Anything to keep me moving forward…well what more could I ask for than a herd of deer running in front of me! Personally, I took it as a sign to run free, run wild, be happy. I’ve been thinking about doing americorps again as an STL but I’ve been hesitant and wondering what is right for my life..what will happen if I do? I’m scared. But now…I just feel so…willing. I want to run wild, I want to see what the world has to offer. I want to experience all that life has to offer.
I will be free.
Since I’ve been in americorps I feel like I’ve learned a lot and met a lot of unique and interesting people. I’ve learned you have to accept your self and be happy before you can expect anyone to appreciate you fully. It’s only been a month and I feel like a new person…a year ago I NEVER thought I’d be in Indiana right now. Everyone here has helped me and taught me a lot but my team is so top notch its hard to explain. My support ranger Michael has honestly been such a savior…I cant even. Him along with Christian have not only helped me understand different perspectives but also myself. I feel like before them I never really thought about myself in a positive light. Michael found me on here before Vinton and ironically we end up on the same team :) never did i think we’d be so close. Hes legit my best friend here and im sure I annoy him sometimes but he puts up with me so oh well :p I just dont thimk i could ever thank him enough for everything he’s taught me just in the last month. He’s truly inspiring.
As for the rest of the team they are all just so fabulous in their own ways…
Christian and I have semi similar pasts and I feel like I can talk openly with him without fear of judgment, he’s such a sweet heart.
My other team mates are perfect in their own ways and I just hope that I can live up to their expectations and make them all proud…im really glad I got placed on such a good team. Other teams are basically failing already, and although I know we’re still in the “honeymoon phase” I just feel so thankful for all of them.
These next 8 months will fly by and there will be fights but I honestly feel like oak 3 will come out stronger. And ill never doubt our friendships.
Americorps is the best decision I’ve ever made.
Ugh I wamt to start getting nup early on nom-pt days amd working out but im scared to go places alone here (im at a ymca camp) and none of , y team wants to wake up….i could workout in the cabin but I have to be super quiet :/ I feel so out of shape lately it makes me almost want to cry amd just go home….but I cant do that and I know the only reason I feel so bad is because my bum knee, which is almost back to 100% but not quite Sad unfit bran, kind of hate life
Had a nutrition class this week and I felt like I was in fitblr heaven! Haaha it was great! Also had PT today which was AWESOME got up at 440am and ran to the gym then went to PT for 45 mins
Happy brandy! Been a lazy day though ugh
Departing Feb 5th from RDU at 7 am to Baltimore,MD …
shit just got real >_<
OMG YOU GOT YOUR ITINERARY :o I AM SUPPOSED TO GET MINE ON THE 25TH I THINK…MAYBE IDK…GOT MY DUFFLE TODAY THOUGH!
hehe my friend said this to me today…sad thing is..I really do. I HATE going to the gym, i loathe it with every being in my body..I wish I could just stay in bed and melt off the fat and gain muscle…BUT BUT BUT that’s not how it works right? And since I know what I want, and how to get it..i’m sure as hell gonna get it! I’m not gonna let my lack of motivation stop me. Once you get to the gym half the battle is done! Once you’re there you’ll have a kick ass workout. I don’t mind working out, it’s just the driving to the gym that’s crappy…BUT i still do it WHY YOU ASK?! because it has to be done :) I’m not giving myself an easy way out!
I wanted to ride my bike todya..but there’s no air in the tires…sounds like a problem right? nope! just go to the gym and get on the stationary bike and rev up the resistance! may not be exactly the same but hey it’s better than nothing.
can’t make excuses. the only one i’d be cheating is myself.
So my uncles brother passed away last night, we got a call right after I left the gym that they had decided to not prolong the inevitable. We went up there and waited around five-six hours then he passed.
I did my workouts yesterday, but as for the eating portion of the day it wasn’t the best. I took almonds with me to snack on but sitting and sitting and waiting all day past my dinner time made me hungry. I had about two servings of almonds, two servings of pretzels, sun chips, and teddygrams..oh and a banana… then after we left there around 10 we went to ihop :( i splurged.but i was so hungry i didn’t even give a shit. I’m not punishing myself BUT i do need to refocus. i’m so sore today I dont know how the gym is gonna go…not having any real rest days may be a bad decision. I’m still sore from the pilates abs workout and yesterday i moved up weight and reps on the glute machine…i can definitely feel it :p
ohwell. gym later, it’s supposed to be arms today but idk, we’ll see. I’ll probably do
30 minutes arc
15 minutes bike